We are finding out pretty quick that we have a lot to learn. We both thought that there would not be much difference with adoption parenting and parenting a child from birth. We were wrong! I could never say thanks enough nor could words describe the gratitude I feel toward the His Hands entire staff. Holly, Trena, their families, the nannies and the Hatcher sisters are true laborers for God. They all devoted so much time to the care of Mia and paid special attention to her. Things still seem to be somewhat off though. I cannot imagine all that a child grows through in the months of their lives without parents. In fact, I don't even really want to know. I'm not sure I could handle that knowledge. Mia without a doubt was not in an orphanage. Mia was cared for and tended to when she had needs. She was loved beyond measure. This was a fact made very evident with how hard it was for several to say goodbye.
What we have learned is it is already entirely different than with Madison and Mason. Mia has lived 5 months without us being with her. In that 5 months she has developed likes and dislikes she has developed traits and many idiosyncrasies that Kate and I know nothing about. For instance, she scares really easy. I have accidentally scared her twice, sending her into a several minute crying and sobbing frenzy. I know that I've done nothing particularly wrong but very hard to deal with as I watch my new daughter in a terrified crying spree because of something I have done inadvertently. I had her on my knees turned away from me (shortly after the 1st poop) and I sneezed. Many of you that have heard me sneeze know that I am a really loud sneezer. Mia was literally scared half to death. Today I was holding her with her facing away from me. Evidently she was focused on something or a little spaced out but i gave her a quick kiss on the back of the head and again she is scared half to death.
Today she has been fussy. She has cried way more that any other day that we have had her. We don't really have an explanation as to why. We don't know her cries. We haven't heard many. Sometimes she seems scared, sometimes mad, sometimes confused, and other times like maybe she is hurting. That leaves Kate and I scared confused and hurting. This is our daughter and we really don't even know where to start. We can apply the knowledge from the books we read and the classes we took but none of them know what Mia is feeling. We've been praying and will continue. It is not going to be easy but I guess if it was, everyone would be doing it. I am so thankful that God is on our side. What would we do without him? Live without hope?
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
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Hi, I am Joyce Denson. I met Kate a year ago on FB. We are also adopting from His Hands and are waiting for a referral. We adopted 2 daughters from China. One was in an orphanage and the other in foster care. Our younger daughter in foster care went through some of the same things as Mia may be experiencing. There were times she even bit us and pulled our hair. She was 11 months old. At the time we didn't know her and her personality and it was hard consoling her. Looking back on it now, I think she was greiving for her foster parents. Mia may be going through some of that. It will get better and easier to know her every cry. I remember calling my Pastor's wife from China and she gave me the best advice. She said to keep loving her and we did and now we are so close with her. Adoption is a wonderful experience and Mia is blessed to have her forever family!
ReplyDeleteI hope that my comment doesn't offend anyone. I know that each child is different and I just wanted to share my experience with you. Blessings to your beautiful family.
What a touching blog. Praying for Mia's transition. She will bond to you more each day.
ReplyDeleteJason and Kate ~ Joyce beat me to the post. Mia sounds like she is grieving her past. Everything she sees, smells and hears is new and different now. Once she gets home it may be even worse. But this will pass. She just needs to be reassured that you are with her and will never leave her. Our Natalie, age 5 (adopted from China @ 10 months)still asks us if we will still love her when she is naughty. She can be very independent and very needy all at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThe wonderful angels from HH loved and cared for our children till we could go get them, but while Mia and Jake are our children....we are still strangers to them. Strangers from a stange and scary place. Our Jake is like most guys, really easy-going but Natalie was and is very sensitive. Mia sounds a lot like her. Things will come up, that really make you worried. But that is why you have friends in the HH family......to help you and answer (as best they can) any questions or concerns you may have. It truly does take a village.
Hugs and Happy Adoptive Parenting,
Sue B.
I'm praying that God will give you an unparalleled sense of understanding and knowing Mia. We're missing you already here in Taiwan. I'm so happy that Mia is a part of your beautiful family. Blessings as you adjust to life together.
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